You know you're in India when...

You know you're in India when your local friends won't let you walk out your door without one of them with you; when the number of men you have seen urinating on the side of road has exceeded 20 in just 14 days; when cows nap on the medians; when rabies-infested dogs outnumber the roaming cows; when men drop in the middle of the sidewalk, cover a blanket over their head and go to sleep; when huge concrete structures are built by hand; when a film will not be attended if it does not contain at least four dance/musical numbers; when a two-wheeler is the family vehicle; when the word "tact"is only used for a push pin; when a river running through the middle of the city is no longer a river, but now a garbage dump; when monkeys run the streets with their babies hanging from their shoulders; when there are hand-washing sinks everywhere you eat for after the meal, not before; when there are so many different local languages they just speak English; when the women spend all day throwing a scarf over their shoulders simply for fashion; when camels walk down the busy streets of Bangalore; when there are more people just standing outside Forum Mall than in all of Salt Lake; when men walk around holding hands not because it's their sexual preference, it's just what they do; when car horns need to be replaced every few months because they are used 5 billion times a day; when there are lines on the road and street lights in the streets, but they might as well not be there; when huge beautiful hotels are right next to shanty towns built in trash; but when the people are so kind you know they would do absolutely ANYTHING for you. This is such a random place, but I love it.